20140409 Rain Rain Rain and Rainy Day

20140409 Rain Rain Rain and Rainy Day

            1)download previous Psion file, the one before that AND the one from 4 times ago (not the one I just downloaded or the last, or one before that, or that but the one before that).  Print and post to Raw Word Batter.  NOTE:  go back one more than indicated here, as I am now one more ahead!       

            Thursday, April 9, 2015, 4:56 PM I am out on my first walk of the day.  It's been raining all day.  I didn't any exercise to speak of.  No sit-ups, no T'ai Chi, no neck exercises, no walking, until just a little while ago, I moved some boxes around in the living room at Rolandale, 13 minutes of moving boxes.  Some of the boxes were heavy, but I was reading the labels, so that slowed me down.  I figure I will count it as exercise if I need to and not if I don't. 

            I ran into Sydney outside the health-food store.  We stood in the rain and talked.  So I am already damp and it's drizzling and sprinkling again.  I think I will call Keith. 

            Maybe I will wait until I am closer to R'dale. 

            He may have gone to see his Mom at Rehab.  (?)  I wasn't there to get any calls from him or anyone else.  I got up, showered, dressed, did my hair, checked my email, ate two meals, breakfast and lunch, did a few chores etc., and went to see BP (Brian Powers.)  We talked about Scott Carter. 

            I was going to walk afterwards, but it was raining pretty hard so I went to Staples and got a BP Binder for discussion materials for BP.  Also a pocket to keep stuff in in the binder.  Then to the health-food store where I got various things I needed and saw Sydney for a long discussion about group before I left, then off to Rainy Day to get paint for the Japanese black printing class. Circled the block twice looking for free parking, finally put 20 cents in a meter.  Got a few extra things, bad me.  Then to R'dale. Watered the African violets, downloaded the Psion, saved the download to snow and started this file. 

            Now I am walking damply in a light sprinkle/drizzle mixture.  My neck hurts, my hips hurt, a new spot in the center of butt hurts, my knees hurt, my back hurts.  None of them hurt too much, but yesterday, I no pain at all.  Didn't sleep at all well last night, though, was upset about the DSS meeting and judging.

            6:19 PM I am out on my second walk while Keith is making diner.  He's making spaghetti.  The rain seems to have stopped and it's warmish and steamy.  Extremely humid. 

            Friday, April 10, 2015, 3:49 PM.  I am taking a walk at Metrobeach Nature area (St. Clair Metropark) after my appointment Dr. John.  The woods are alive with the song of the red-winged blackbird, buzzing and humming and trilling and chattering, other birds too.  They've already been around a while, but this is the loudest I've hear them this spring.

            To get ready for my appointment with Dr. John, I've been dieting more rigorously, and this morning, I ate nothing.  I put on my lightweight brown ruffled skirt and a very lightweight green and brown blouse, brown jacket, no socks.  Took off the jacket and shoes to be weighed.  Dr. John was pleased and said I'd lost 15 pounds.  I was wearing my jeans with some stuff in the pockets last time, though, and has eaten two meals.  But I have lost more than ten pounds.  And hope to continue to do so. 

            I sat and ate a very late breakfast in Dr. John's parking lot that I had packed before I left.  I changed my clothes into my regular clothes before I left the office.  Those two thing probably increased my weight by 3-5 pounds.  Not that I had a big meal, I did not. 

            I got a package today, with two books, from Amazon.  One was Piggy Wiglet and one was The Eliminations Diet.  I started reading Piggy Wiglet, but realized I had make my lunch and get ready for my appointment, so gave it up, but was very sad reading it that they changed not only the art, but also the words.  How sad.  I like the old one better.  Maybe just because I am used to it.  ;-(

            I brought The Elimination Diet with me to the doctor and started reading it while waiting.  I had a longish wait, so got a small ways in.

            I am now sitting in the sun on a bench by the pond in the nature area watch a swan sail majestically around the pond.  I probably won't walk too long because I need to walk to Village Market for food, but it is wonderful to be out in nature.  Wind blowing, sun shining, birds singing and no other "feefles" in sight.  Did see three people earlier, but none around now.

            I'd like to just sit here a while, but I guess I should move on, as I have much to do.

            I can frogs singing, too, sometimes loud, sometimes quieter.

            I just got a fantastic look at a muskrat cleaning himself (or herself) on the berm.  The wind was toward me and making such a racket that I approached to within 5 and half feet and stood and watched a while, but when I decided to attempt a picture, the start-up of the camera scared it.  It ran across the path in front of me and swam, but slowly, so when I walked to the edge I was still pretty close.  Then walked within 4 feet of two geese at the edge of the berm.

            Now I am headed for the owl nest.  What a nice day.  One huge fluffy baby is visible in the owl nest, and behind it, a second head, but mostly occluded so I can't tell if it was the resting Mom or another baby.  When I left to go to the doctor, I was feeling hungry and stressed and thinking about food (since I hadn't eaten all day) and lightweight clothes (since I didn't want another scolding) and thinking about bring clothes to walk in not about owl babies, camera, binoculars, long lenses.

            The chorus frogs are hugely loud at the moment.  Louder than the redwings. 

            I just passed a black person, and it occurs to me that I rarely see African American out on the nature trails.  This one has ear-buds in her ears, and a sort beatific expression; I wonder if she can hear the wind in the cattails, the chorus frogs and redwings.

            I walk past two muskrat lodges and count six bloated big dead carp.  There is almost no sign of spring yet in the vegetation. 

            Well, now that I have written that, I come upon some new green leaves and growth.  A fair abundance of it in this one location, weedy invasive stuff in a dumped pile of fill.       

            I decide, sadly, that I should turn around and go back, and when I do, I feel my legs changing gears, motoring forward in a goal oriented rather than contemplative way.

            Such a din of chorus frogs it almost hurts my ears.

            Back at the owls, I am almost 100% sure that there are at least two chicks visible, a larger and a smaller.  And maybe the head of another (or some other object).

            My hips hurt some.  I will be ready to sit down when I get back to the car.  Hope the elimination diet actually helps.

            I hear another kind of frog.

            I was itchier than usual last night an am wondering if it was the sugar from the pear and blueberries in my salad or the garlic or tomatoes in the tomato sauce.

            So many robins.  Making robin noises.

            I took no pictures, only tried once. I could picture a bunch of kids or teens on that huge log, but have none at my disposal at the moment.

            Saturday, April 11, 2015, 7:20 PM.  We went to see ML.  I took Mike Kline's mole and the Piggy Wiglet book I got for Alden and read her the Piggy Wiglet book (she loved it) and we looked at the artwork in Mike Kline’s Moleskine (she liked that, too).  Then we walked her—that is, she walked with her walker, and I followed with the wheel chair, and when she got tired, she sat in the wheelchair and K retuned the walker to her room and got the feet for the wheelchair.  Then we walked her around in the wheelchair, took her outside in the sun. The sun was warm, but the air was a little chilly for her.  We walked around for a while, and then I ran with her back to a patch of sun while K was looking at an electrical installation. Then we went to look at the finches and doves.  Keith talked to the nurses at the nurses’ station and found out they’ve pushed her release date forward again.

Then we too her back to her room and left to drive up Jefferson to Metrobeach.  We brought the Shomsky-flex (otherwise known as Liana Rhianna) and attempted pix of the baby owls and also saw one of the parents, probably the male.  I saw another muskrat.  We saw our first turtle, a painted, and photographed it.  The frogs and redwings were singing to beat the band.

            Now we are headed home for a late dinner.

           

*          *          *          * EJ2 End Journal *    *          *          *

            *          *          *          * BSDLHI      *          *          *          *

            Brainstorming for Discovery at Little Hog Island.

            Gist of book so far:  Dana arrives in Maine to study terns for a biology project and considers swimming to Little Hog Island but is warned not to by a stranger.  Reason: dangerous tides and currents.  She kayaks out to the Island after dark, after learning the swimmers have actually drowned swimming to the Island.  On the island, Dana spies on 5 men playing cards and is caught poking around and meets the men.  Glenn shoots her kayak with a gun with a silencer and Buck rescues her. He repairs the kayak and they go out to breakfast together, and he moves her camp away from LHI.

            Dana, full name, protagonist, character sketch, Dana is fifty (fifty-ish?), has a daughter who was born when she was in high school (or just after that) (does she have other kids).  I think she has green eyes and auburn hair.  Dana is fairly pretty, slightly overweight.  She is very curious.  She is intelligent.  Was a victim of rape.  Need to work on her backstory.  She teaches (first grade.

            Dana character flaws: curiosity, ADHD, dyslexic, rape victim (strange relationships with men)

            Dana character strengths: curiosity, intelligence,

            Antagonist:  Glenn was (is?) married to Amy?

            *          *          *          ELHI

                        *          *          *          * Begin Dr. Big Heart and his Ten Hugs a day

            Simon sat in the front row of the auditorium listening to Dr. Hartman, or Dr. Big Heart, as the other kids called him, lecture on oxytocin.  Oxytocin, Big Heart said, was the generosity chemical.  He went on and on about it, but Simon's mind wandered.  He didn’t listen to Big Heart.  He was thinking of ways to kill himself.

            He was thinking about ways to kill himself. Margaret Ellen had flown into a hissy fit and broken up with Simon last week, and she hadn't come back, in spite of his sending her flowers and cards and spending all his lunch money on little gifts for her.

            He tried to remember what she'd been angry about, but he hadn't understood what it was.  Something about taking the bus on a date.  Was that what it was?  Why were his parents so mean, not letting him drive, didn’t they understand how important it was?  He was in college, for God’s sake.

            Walking across the quad this morning, Simon had seen Margaret Ellen leaning into another guy, a tall and handsome guy, who was not only what Margaret Ellen would call cute, but who had a vintage Corvette, all nicely restored.  Simon didn't have a car.  His parents said the insurance was too much, but apparently, the tall handsome guy was also rich. 

            Just my luck, Simon thought.  My life is a mess.  I don't have anything going for me at all.  So here's the plan.  I don't have a gun, and guns are too messy.  Hanging could go wrong.  And might hurt.  I'll go to the student Health Center and say I have trouble sleeping and ask for sleeping pills.  Then I will take them all and just go to sleep and not wake up.  How hard is that?

            Dr. Big Heart was pacing around on the stage.  He was talking about ways to get oxytocin.  You could sniff it or inject it   "But," he said, emphatically, "there's an easier way to get it."  He ran across the stage and big leaping bounds, down the steps, and across the front row and stopped right in front of Simon. 

            Simon looked up and Dr. Big Heart held out his hands.  Simon took them, since that's what he seemed to want, and big Heart hoisted Simon to his feet and hugged him.  He held him close, like a loved one.  Held him a long time.  Simon thought, great, now everyone will think I'm gay.  Wait until that gets back to Margaret Ellen."

            Sitting next to him, Ed Longley was sniggering.

            Oh, wait, who cares, I'm going to commit suicide tonight, so it won't matter." 

            Dr. Big Heart let go of Simon, who started to sit back down.  Big Heart lifted him up and hugged him again.  When he started to sit down, Big Heart hoisted him up a third time, and then a fourth.  Simon was stiff in his arms, but then he started to cry.  He relaxed into Big Heart's Arms.  Big Heart held him and rocked him a little. 

            When Simon started to pull away, Big Heart hugged him again.  He pulled him close.  Big Heart hugged Simon ten times.

            "Ten hugs a day!" he shouted.  You need ten hugs a day minimum for a good oxytocin supply. 

            Big Heart finally let Simon sit down.  But he leaned over and whispered, "See me after class."  Simon hoped Big Heart wasn’t gay.  Wouldn’t hassle him.  Hoped he wasn’t in trouble, somehow.

            “He’s got the hots for you,” Ed Longley whispered, and punched him in the shoulder.

            The class ended and everyone filed out except Ed and Simon. Simon sat in his chair feeling morose.  Ed gave him a wicked grin as he got up and left.  Simon frowned at him.  But there would be trouble of some kind, he knew it. 

            Big Heart busied himself up on the stage, collecting his notes, turning off the lectern light, stuffing things into his briefcase. 

            Then he sat on the side of the stage in front of Simon with his feet dangling and said, "Tell me what's wrong, Simon."  Simon wondered how Big Heart knew his name.

            "I'm going to kill myself tonight," he blurted out.  Oops, probably shouldn't have said that.

            "You must be feeling sad," Big Heart said.

            "It sucks to be me," Simon said.  "I know, that sounds stupid, doesn't it?  But my parents won't let me drive and my girlfriend broke up with me because I don't have a car."

            "You got two good legs," Big Heart said.  "I bet you can walk.  Girlfriend got two legs?"

            "Yes, but . . .”

            "Think of three dates you can do on foot and ask her to go with you, give her a choice of three things, if she says no, come back and see me.”

“But, I saw her with another guy . . .”

“So?”

“She was leaning on him, like she liked him, like she liked him more than me.”

“I know you’re not a wimp, so just ask her.  And let me give you ten more hugs to restore you lost oxytocin.  Remember, come and report back, I want to know you're safe. And that you gave yourself a chance with the girl."

            "Are you gay?"  Simon asked in a worried voice.

            "If I am, will you refuse to hug me?"  Big Hear looked sad.

            "Ummmm . . . well I won't have sex with you," he blurted.

            "Was I asking for sex?"

            "I guess not.  I'm not from a huggy family.  It's kind of scary.  I didn't mean to imply . . .”

            Big Heart held his two hands out, palms down and Simon stared at them.  Finally, he realized he was supposed to see the wedding ring.  But a wedding ring doesn’t mean that you aren’t gay.  Married men can be secretly gay.  And gay men can get married. And anyone could put on a wedding ring.  Still . . . Big Heart did mean to reassure him.  “Okay, he finally said, “hug me.”

            Big Heart jumped down and grabbed Simon, who stood stiffly. Like before. Before he’d relaxed and started to cry. 

“You could hug me back,” Big Heart said.  “Relax a little.”

            Simon tentative put his arms around Big Heart.  It felt good, but that was sort of scary.  He squeezed a little.  Then he laid his head on Big Heart’s shoulder and started to cry.  That was embarrassing.

            He stopped himself.

            “Go ahead and cry,” Big Heart said.

            “I can’t,” Simon said, “I feel stupid.” 

He tried to pull away, but Big Heart held on tight.  “Relax,” he said again.

Simon did, and it felt good, very good.

“Name three things you could do on a walking date.”

“Walk to the diner for dinner, and then a movie at the Landmark.  Go to the soda fountain for sodas and toasted cheese and walk in the park and feed the ducks.  Ummmm . . . go to a football game?  Ahhhh . . . go to a poetry reading, go to the art museum and I guess we could eat in the little restaurant there.”

“That’s more than three.  Now go find her.”  Big Heart released Simon and Simon turned and walked up the steep steps to the doors of the auditorium, thinking of heading straight to the Health Center for sleeping pills.  How could he face Margaret Ellen after seeing her leaning on that boy?

But there she was, waiting outside the auditorium doors.  She looked worried.  “Ed said Hartman was keeping you after class, are you in trouble?”

“No,” Simon said.  “No, not at all!  Will you go out to dinner with me?  We could walk to the dinner and then to the landmark for a movie, or go to the soda fountain for toasted cheese and walk in the park and feed the ducks.”

“I’d love to, I thought you’d never ask.”

“But who was that guy you were leaning against outside Richter? I was afraid you had a new boyfriend.”

“Oh, Joseph?  He’s my cousin.  Did you he the Corvette?  He was all excited ‘cause my Uncle George finally let him drive it for the first time, ever!  He took me for a ride in it—it really messed up my hair—I might never get the snarls out!”

“Your cousin?” Simon said, sounding stupid even to himself. “Wait, what were you angry with me about?”

“For thinking you needed a car to take me on a date.  We have feet, there are busses . . .”

“You were in favor of busses? I thought you hated them.”

“You weren’t listening, you kept saying you didn’t have a car.  I was trying to say it didn’t matter.”

Big Heart pushed the door of the auditorium open, almost hitting them with it.  “Group hug,” he shouted, dropping his briefcase and scooping them both into his arms.  He gave them a squeeze and a beatific smile, grabbed his briefcase and skipped down the hall.  Simon wondered if he’d been listening behind the door—but how would he have known they were out there, no, couldn’t be.

“Hartman’s a little weird,” Margaret Ellen said.

“He’s okay,” Simon said. Next time no suicide until I find out what’s really going on. He took Margaret Ellen’s hand, pulled her toward him, and gave her a kiss.  She kissed him back.

“You’re smiling,” she said, “I can feel it in your kiss.”

“Kissing you makes me happy.”