Iamout walking. It's been a hot day, but not quite therecord-breaking heat wewereexpecting. Hot, though,anyway. Iamwaling slowly because of the heat and also because I am full fromdinner. I was out earlier taking the state fair paperwork and ees to the post office and transferring the money to cover the checks, and considered waling, but it was so hot and Iwas also hungry,so I camehome first and ate, which was amistake.
8:00 PM 45 minutes is a long time to walk in this heatandmy hips are startingto hurt.. But walking faster won't get me there any sooner andwhen I get there,waht reliefisthere? Just work.
I've been looking for tringles fot the Photiquetheme. Therearen't thatmany of them to be seen. Need some geodeicdomes or some architechturl bridgework. Roofs are trangles of sorts, some of them, andsomehubcaps and someelaaves, but none ofthem really workthat well as adecentandinteresting photo.
People go by on bikes, and Iwish I ahdone. Here.
Ikeepthinking I just want to go homeandsitdown,but when I get home,I should working,not sitting. AK!
This is NOTfun.
Iwalk so Iwill be able to walk. My fear is that if Idon't walk,thefibro will cripple me up, as it has inthe past. A vicious sownward spiral.
Onedanger withwalking in theneighborhoodisrunning into people I'd rather not talk to. It might be worth theextra driving timeto go awayfromhere andavoid wasting talking time.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006, 5:03 PM
Don't Even Bother to Read this!
I'm sad. Really, I'm feeling depressed andangry andunhappy and lethargic and annoyed and unbearble. No oneeven wants to hear about being depressed and that's depressing, because I'd like to be able to talk about it. I was remembering how susan "Epstein said she didb't understand being depressed waht that meant, so she wwould think of it as being sad.
I don't know why I'm feeling so sad.
Perhaps it's simply that I didn't get enough sleep,I was up too late andthendidn't sleep well whenIdidget tobed. Perhaps it's because I haven't slept well for days. Perhaps itwas the hummous I ate last might, I mayy be allergic to chick peas, I'm not sure. Perhaps it's the fact that it's 5:07 now, nearly dinner time,and I've had no lunch Maybe my blood sugar is down.
Perhaps it ws the email I got from Heidi. I was feeling sad that we were ot of tocuh andemailed her a note. But her repsonse upset me deeply.
I'm out walking at the Park, Meadowbrookpark or whatever it is, A young black couple, attractive, is lying on the ground, sheonher stoman,heresting his head on his back, talking. A sweetscene, except that they are lying in the middle ofthe path.
A runner comes up behind meand passes me like I'mstanding still. I'm walking even more slowly than usual. I'm tired and sad andlow energy.
I see a mama duck and three ducjlings half grownbut still peeping and I take somepix, at the edge of the pond. It's hot and the bugs arebuzzing,summer song. Birds chirping. But not as hot as the last few days, thoughstill plantyhot.
I'm fat and I don't want to be fat and I am OLD and I don't want to be old, thoughin spite ofmy "sadness," I'drather beold than dead. I'd rather be lean and healthy and energetic and happy and YOUNG. Younger physically anyway,more energetic and capable.
What do I want? I wantt to be happy. It's a braight, sunny, beautiful day,but I can't seem to get out fromunder this dark cloud to enjoy it.
Perhaps I need to write a gratitudelist:
• I am grateful for Keith (but I wish Iwerewith him)
• I am grateful for my three children and their relative health and safety. For their intellience andtalents.
• I am grateful for trees and green. All the trees and plants and grassin their summer green.
• For frogs croaking.
• I am gratefulfor sunshine and blue sky (phew,hotthough!)
• I am grateful for friends
• I am grateful for opportunities to be creative andopportunities for socializing.
• I am grateful that I can walk. Even though at the momnet I am wishing I didn't have to walk. Iwant to continue to be able to.
• I am grateful for a hankie to wipe away the salty sweat that is running into my eyes and burning them.
• I am grateful that so far, there areno mosquitoes. (Yesterday there werezillions and theywere mean.)
• Iam grateful for the fact that there are relatively few people out here and the ones there are are relatively courteous and friendly.
• I am grateful for the pleasantmemories U have of walking here with Keith.
• I am grateful for the photographic opportunities thathave presented themselves to me here int he past.
• I am grateful for the coolness ofshade
• I am grateful fun the yellow tennis ball in the trail that reminds meof children playing and of dogs who carry a tennis ball everywhere
• I am grateful for trees and flowers, even for knapweed.
• I am grateful for the beauty of flowers and trees and birds andbirdsong and formyabilty to perceive and enjoy that beauty.
• I am grateful forcicada song and cricket song and chicadees.
• I am grateful for sunny,sweaty, humid,steamy meadows withtheirpletora ofgrasses and wildflwoers.
• I am grateful for friendly people,friendly dogs and beautifulvistas.
• I am grateful for the sound ofmororcycles tht reminds meof good times with my sweetie.
• I amgrateful for love,for friendship, for companionship and for solitude, for view of peoplesitting together under thetrees.
• I amgrateful for thesmall breeze cooling the rivulets of sweat running downmyface, aems,back.
• I am grateful for fecundity,forgrowth. For the different between summer's lushness and winter's sparenss.
• I amgrateful for the blueness of sky, the whiteness of clous, the flight of birds.
• I am grateful for having the timeIneededto adjust to the idea of having apartner again after 20 yearswithout one.
• I am garteful for Canterbury Bells
• I am grateful for the graceful way the sun shinesthroughspread translucent flightfeather like a rainbow.
• I am grateful for the sweet smell of salt spray roases.
I am not grateful for the fact that I am nearly back to the car andhaveonlywalked 37minutes and still have 8 to go. I don't want to walk 8 moreminutes.
Thispark isn't really quite big enough for a 45minute walk,even for someone who is old and tired. I keep on going on the tril part the car along the creek.
When I turn back and go to the car, it's still not 45minutes so Iwalk past again.
5:56PM
• I am grateful to be done withmy walk
• I am grateful that the car is at least partly in the shade.
• I am grateful for airconsitioning in my car (if not my house)
• I am grateful for water (even if it is warm)
I am not grateful that the spacebar on the Psion has never worked right and continues not to.
Now I am going to go home and eat my second meal of the day. While I would like to be thinner, I HATE the way I feel when Imiss a meal. I feel cranky and resentul. As if all the thin people of the worl want me to suffer this pain and weakness. This unhappiness.
I do feel somewhat better than I did when I started out.
7:59 PM Thursday July 20, 2006 (?) Iam out walking. I have an hourand15 minutes before I amsupposed to be online with Keith and I have to walk45minutes andmakemyself some food. Dinner,and then hopefully get mynightgown onbefore Isit down totalkand get on-line.
Thunderis rumbling overhead and theysky isweird looking and threatening and there was just a warning over the radio of severethunderstoms with penny-sized hail so Iamwatching as Iwalk andunsure how far I should walk. I'm inmyownneighborhood. Dangerous damaging winds and hail, take cover is what it said. I was hoping I could take cover on someone's porch if I had to because if Idon't walk now whenwill Iwalk?
If it does hail,though, thatcould mess up my schedule and Idon't have cell phoneany more,atleast not ine thatworks. Thatis onmy to-do list for the daybut I forgot, I forgot to call about it becauseofall the other thingson my to-do list starting with a race to get as much garbageout before the garbage trucks cameand thenissues withmymother's trustand taxes etc.
If I walkfaster, I will getback homefaserbutthen I won't havewlaked 45minutes rumble rumble.
I had a terriblenight andhavebeen very hot and tired all day,but Istillamangedto work very hard nd get alot done, but not all of it on the house.
I worked hard on the house until about 1:30-2:00 andthenstarted dealing with other issues.
Keith called,Iwas about to hop in theshowerandin thattime,an hourandhalf, Iwanted to shower, dress,walk 45minutes and eat dinner, but he added something to my list, something important but brief but then in myrush to get out andgetback,I forgot to do it. Ineed to lookatmycheckbook nd be surethat I transferredthemoneyto cover the check I wrote him for Sara's birthday and Nikki. The purse is in the car so I need to rememnber to do it when I getback fromt he walkand before I go in tomake supper, ifpossibleand I'mafraid I'll forget. It's importantbecause he's cashing the check. WhichmeansifIdidn't do it, I'll have to go to the banktonight sothecheck won't bounce. I think I already did it but I want to be sure.
The days aregetting shorter, it's nearly a month since the solstice, and themidsummer day/night is only a week and ahalf away or so. Oh-h,lightning. Brightandhot and close. I keep walking. Aiee. The thunderrolls. I am 15minutes intomy walk and already quitefar fromhome (well, 15minutes awayas fast as I canwalk!)
I think that instead of taking my normal 45-minute-long walk,Iamgoing tohead home,straight home by themost directroute,getmypurseout of the car and toss it intothe house and thenifthe rainhasn't hit orthehair,walk short laps aroundthesmallest blck,round andround. That seems stupid, but, safer than being out herealonein a tank top with 2 cameras anda computer etc.
Iwas goingtomention it seemedreally dark,whichis what Iwas leading up to when Imentioned that itwas a monthfrom the solsticeandthedays are getting shorter, but all the streetlights just cameon,so it's notmyimagination.
It's hot. The skyis black, the cicadas are buzzing in thetrees.
8:23 Thesky is rumbling constantly andflashingconstantly and the patterns of deeply billowed black clouds areshifting overheadand the air seemsfaintly greenishishand faintly yellowishand the streets are utterly still, as if there was no onein the world but me. No kids playing, no onemowing theirlawns or talking totheirneighbors,no one out walking or biking, not even anycarsgoing by, it's utterly still
Who--the whole sky shakes withlight.
Here comes the wind. It had been still until now,but hereitcomes.
It feels great because it's so hot, but I'mpicking up thepaace. I'd already been walking as fast as I could,nearly, butnot quite, because now Iamwalking faster. Yikes.
When thewind hits, there is asudden flurry of activiy, cars going by, a runner,voices. So oddd that the activity is coordinated withthe wind,like in amovie.
8:31 PM When I get home, I have walked amlost exactly 30 minutes, just over by afew seconsds,instead of 45. I get my purse out of the car and leave 3 camera in the house and get a plastic bag forthePsion and go back out. When I walk back out, awall ofheat hits mein the face, the mid basement andgarage arestill cooler than the outdoors by anoticeable amount, though therest of the housenow isprobably hotter.
I look up at thesky. Thecenter portion islighter now, shadowed by a big thudnerhead. Ithink it would makeanicepicture,but I left all the camera in thehouse, even Ollie.
Oncegain,nothing much is stirring but the breezeandthe thunderandtheflashesoflighting. At7 and a halfminutes, I cometo alino-like catlaying contented on apicnic table,unruffled by the appanrent impending storm. I admireitand turn back.
At 9 minutes, it starts raining. I am six minutes from home. More lights are comeing on. I see in someone's house a large television running, through an opened screen door. But I hear no sound but rumbling. Then an explsion and a siren. Another explosion, a bolt of lightning so brilliant I unconsciously leap to the side. Thunder. Amd an explsion. Is someoneshooting off fireworks?
So far, the rain is fairly light, and in the breeze, the wet falling drops feel cool and good. Penny-sized hail, on the other hand,would not feel so good.
When I get to the garage, I have not yet walked 45minutes, I've been walking faster on the way back,so go back out again.
Monday, July 24, 2006, 8:12 PM I am out taking a ten minute walk because I just finished mowing and I only mowed 35minutes so I am making up the difference now by wlking. Iprobably won't run into the Putnams cause they went by while Iwas mowing. A little boy just drove by on a miniture powered motorcycle. He looked like he was only about 45 years old andthe thing went very fast and he went rhough intersections, I'm not sure I approve.
Speakingof disapproval, Some woman just went by in the opposite direction and I said hi and shelooked at me rather asknce. I must say I dolook rather odd. I amwearing winter patterned camouflage shorts that I put on so as not to sweat up my "real" shorts while mowing. I have on a tourquoise tank top with my new camera case from Sara from Ritze velcrowed onto the left straps of the tank top because I'm not wearing a belt. My ahir is all disshelved from working in the yard and all all sweaty from mowing.
Oh well.
Speaking of disapproval, chaos reins. The house is disintegrating into something worse than chaos,pure pendemonium. It's horrible, and into the utter disarray or disgust of it all,markcamae Oh well.
Tuesday, July 25, 2006,7:32 PM Sunshine,rain,thunder,lightning, all at once. I'm out walking in it.
It was raining too hard to write. Then a rainbow came,and then a double, but ut was still raining to hard to write. Now, at 7:45, the storm has moved past and I'm still walking. Earlier is was unbearable hot and huid, and then, the sky turned black and a wind came up, but it wasn'ta fresh wind,it was a hot wet sticky yukky wind, like a dirty dishcloth dragging across my face.
I was feeling so terrible earlier, so unbearblycranky and unahppy. Everything was going wrong and I felt horribly as if Icould commit murder suicide or something. Not something I'd really do, of course, just this feeling ofhelpless rage and desperate unhappiness. But walking in the rain with lightningand thunder (kind of scary) and the sunshining at my back, Isuddenly felt cleansed andhealed and whole again, relaxed, happy, at peace.
The problems I had earlier haven't gone away. The printer is jammed and Idon'tknow how to clear it. I have a lot of pictures to print between 4 for the state fair entries and at least as many for consandimages, so I need to get it working again.
I'm about a half to 3/4 mile from home and walking fairly slowly. I can't walk any faster. I've been up too late every night and not sleeping well.
I'm Tired.
The wind is freshening again and this time it's cooler, ad all Icansay is, I hope Imake it home before it starts pouring. It was raining steadily and hardish earlier, and that was almost refreshing.
I'm loving the amber spyglass that Keith is reading to us and also enjoying Drop City. at first, I was having ahard time with it because it was remindingmeof the bad times I had as a hippie (with little atention given to the good times). It was freakingme out. But now I've sort of gotten used to it, and am enjoying it more and keep wanting to talk to someone about it, someone who was there and remembers. Because parts are accurate and parts are not and Iwant to check my recollections with someone else who wasthere.
I want to write about it too.
It's a little cooler out here,but when I get back to the house, it will probably be in 90s inside. It cools off at night (assuming a cool night outdoors, which we don't always get) and slowly heats up during the day. Then in the evening, if it does cool off outside, it's very hot in the house.
Of course if it doesn't cool off outside, it's even hotter.
I'm slowing down even morebecause the fibro pain in my hips is worsening. I don't have too much farther to go and it's starting to rain again, but I haven't yet walked 45 minutes, only 38. Wahn. I wish I could just go in and sit down.!
I need to sit down and there is no where torest out here. It's less that I'm tired than that my hips hurt at this point. I was very sad to hear Erinsay she hurts all over. WAHN!
The wind has blown small branches down all over the road--at least they aren'tbig branches orwhole trees.
I walked past my house and up Inclination to make up the missing time,but then I saw Rachel and Brad Putmam coming down their driveway and didn an about face. The problem is,my hips hurt and I don't want to stand outside and talk. I cut through my yard and through Adam's yard and back out on Sextant goingthe other way. They probably sawmyandconsidered me rude,but my experience is that NO ONE understands that I cannotstand andtalk when the pain gets this bad! :-(
I walked 48minutes andamdesperate to sit down, but I need tomake supper and eat so I'll be ready to talk to K &G at 9:15.
I had an idea for a peomthe other day,but I've been so busy I never had timeto write it andnow I've forgotten. And story ideas and ideas for ongoing novels.
I think I will put my PJs on.
I need tocall Mark to drill a few more holes.
Not tonight though.
Wednesday, July 26, 2006, 5:43 PM I'm doing something Inever thought I'ddo, I'm mall walking. It's so hot and muggy out. Maybe I'll do part of my walk here and part at OLP.
I personally prefer cold weather to hot at least in someways. You can always bundle up, But what do you do when it's hot. Youcan't get nakeder than naked and you can't get naked at all in public.
6:05 I walked up and downe very aisle in Comp USa anbd only saw a few things that interested me, like a big screen monitor.
Then I walked through Eastern Mountain sports and felt like I was getting old. Otheryears, I've been out mountain climbing in July and August, not slinking aroundin the mall trying to stay cool.
I've only had onemeal today and IamHUNGRYand tempted to go up to the food counrt,butIneed to walk, not eat, I have food at home.
I'm very thirsty andread about how germy public drinking fountains are, and as I bend to get a drink anyway,someold lady is telling me how abargeoverturnmed in Skanealteles lake and the water is bad and everyone should drink bottled water iuntil it is straightened out.
I take a sip anyway, I'mreally thirsty.
6:26 PM I~ve been walking 26 miny--no, 29 minutes,andIam headed into best buy now.
Best Buy: Gateway Tablet PB $1499.99, 14 inch screen,1024MB DDr2memory, 100G hard drive, DVD reader, writer, Integrated wireless LAN,wireless connectivity, Instock, they have #lots"
Well, I interrupted my walk to play with a Gateway Tablet PC. For the same size screen and samenumber of gigs,it is 500 dollars less than the Toshiba. As far as I can see, it is comparable,but what amImissing? I'm gunshy about Gateways after Dead. What a piece of junkthat was.
It's so tempting buy onebecause it's right here right now and I could just take it home withme andstart using it,exceptthat they don't have software for it, not the aoftware Ineed. I wonderif I could use it directly inphotoshop, I could in Paint.
I wish I had more free time, I'dlike to go back to that Tablet user site and ask some questions..
7:41 PM I am back in my carinthe Carrousel Center parking garagae andI bought NOTHING--I didn't cometo buy,I cameto walk. ButI wasreally temptedto buy.
I walked 49minutes. It is not cool in the parking garage,itis stiflingly hot. It is notcool intheupper floorof themall proper,the walking areas,either. And to walkindoors on a beautifulsunny summer dayseemssomehow sinful. Butitis SO HOT.
Of course,it will be tomorrow,too.
Bad me. Thursday, July 27, 2006, 7:49 PM. Badme. The computer wasbeing recalcitrant and I hadn't walked or eaten, so I wentout in the rain andwalked over to Doug's Fish Fry and ordered up some scollops andrings with slaw. I don't want to make a habit of that,but Iwas feeling sorry for myself for working all the time and not having any summer fun and always walking in theneighborhood rather than somewhere fun or interesting. No Coney,no Pizza and wings, nocompanionship or going to see Hamlet. Wahn!
Ittook me15 minutes to get here,so I still havea half hour to walk.
But there are trade-offs. The fish fry is a treat, but it consts more than normal food and might make me sick.
I sit facing thewindow andwatch the rain. But in the window, Isee the reflections ofpeople moving around behindmeand it makes very uncomfortable. Tradeoffs again. I get to see the sundrop below the clouds and set. But I feel exposed,vulnerable anduncomfortable. I'd like to sit back to the wall and look out, but that's not an option.
The long days of summer are shrinking.
I don't quite finsih myfood.
A man was holding the door for me,but anapkin was stiuck to the tray and wouldn't come off and he got disgusted and left. It's still taining. I'm headed for the P&C on foot becauseI've been out of raisins all week. For more than a week,maybe.
There are boxes at the liquor store, but I can't take them because I'mon foot andit is raining. Icould drive back,buttheymay begone. Now Ihave walked 19minutes.
It's really nice to watch the skychnaging. Therain has stopped,though it's very wet and the trees aredripping, and the sky is going through its rigamarole. Lots ofdifferentcolors andpatterns as the sunset rises to rilliance and slowly fades.
Friday, July 28, 2006, 7:55 PM Sun very low on the horizon already, orangeand pretty but disappearing, wahn. When Iwalked outside to beginmy constitutional, I had a strong sense of aversion towalking in the neighborhood onemoretime. Again. UGH! But I set off determinedly because I'm trying to save timeandhopefully apply it to the work that needs to be done.
I don't even bother carryingcamera anymore, there's nothing to see andnothingtot ake pictures of. But lo and behold, the light is striking on someCampanulas (?) inmy neighbor's yardsoI get Nikki out iof her pouch and attempt a picture. Of course I immediate wish for Eeyore,who's languishing in the trunk of the car.
Last night, I didn't go to bed. At all, not at night anyway, I was up all night and didn't go to bed until after 5 AM. This walk may push me overthe edge, but I feel OK so far. It helps that this is the first "cool" day inages,it's in the 80s ratherthan 90s. And a littleless humid.
It was raining hard this morning,butnow the sky is a perfect blue. Not even a wisp of cloud anywhere.
I am reading drop City. I read ONLY during meals andI stop when theemal is done. I've been pretty faithful about stopping,but tonight, there was one small section left to theend of the chapter, less than a page,so I read that. I have three chapters left. I like the book. It's a good novel, and a good story. There's conflict aplenty. I'menjoying reading it, BUT I don't feel that itisentirelyfaithful tomy hippie experience because it starts when bad stuff was already happening and totally misses the good stuff that came first. Not that there wasn't somebad then too,but it doesn't do a goodjobof portraying the allure. Even if itwas wrong, the allure was powerful and positive, atleast at first. There is only glimmers of that in the book.
It's tue that things deteriorated into chaos and negativity, but to be fair in portraying it, I'd like to both sides shown more clearly.
I'd like to tell my story. I've started on it anumber of times, but the problemis, it has to be EITHER anovel OR mystory,it can't be both,becauselife isn't like a novel. Ittends to droneon and bogged down and take sudden turns,and thecharacters changesometimes, without continuity.
I think I would prefer to write a novel with some of theelments of my hippie story in it, but with more coherence. There should be somedisjointedness and some disappearances,orit wouldn't be realistic, but who wants it to be too realistic? AK?
When I was a kid, I had a budget. My parents gavememore allowancethan they gavemy brothers, because I had a budget and stuck to it religiously. I saved money for socks and underwear and for fishfood and other necessities. I had a row of little yellow cans with lids and holesinthetops and they were sort enameld. Into those little cans I would drop mylittle portions of allowance each week until Ihad enough tobuy new socksor underwear or whatever elseIwas saving for. They I would go on an expedition to acquire those items.
I have afantasy of little story pots into which I dropideas, characterizations,threads andconnetions,plots and place,and then when I have time,Itake out the scraps and shape them intomynextnovel, LOL!
But, I haven't really figured out how to do that. You'd think thecomputer would be theperfect place,but the computers keep dying. And rightnow, Toby is already again too full to operate properlyand running veryslowly and it's hard forme to do anything at all. Is tart a process and thengo off and sortpapers or dolaudry and comeback andit hasn't even finished yet. Soemthingthatshould have taken 30seconds isn't donein twentyminutes. I asked it to save afile,whenoff took ashower,go sressed, and it was only 1/3 of the way through.
I desperately have to do something about that, but Ialsodesperately need to get IconsandImages ready. I needthecomputer to dothat, but moving files andburning CDs takes time, a lot of time.
I'm ina conundrum!
I feel like a robotor a rat in amazewalkingthe same small selection ofstreets every day. How utterly deadening
Another thing tocomplain abot: it's Friday night,no partying. It's the weekend,no trips to the Adirondacks orHighland Forest or Morgan Hill. Just thesmae plodding work,just the tunnel with no light at the end. But Ihaveno right tocomplainwhen people ofdying of starvation and being killed bybombsandfloodand hurricanes 3etc, so I'd better be quietabout it.
I had been thinking I'd write soemthing on my hippie book or on the herpetologist, but anovel isundweildly,a ndwhen it reaches a certain weight, it can't bebalenaced readily on thehead of a pin. I can't juggle all the characters andevents and relationships andmore without jotting themdown and rereading them. I need quiet and no disturbance forperids of time to gather the threads together again or anew. It is easier to start soemthing new than iron out the rough spots on the old until I havetime andspace. A decnt computer and along periodof time. Ineed time toreread, and ponder and reread again andpick up the threads and go on.
I just had an idea. I could do it on google pages,ratherthan ona blog, and add to iteach day. At the bottom, so it can be followed.
Iwassoinetent on writingthat I missed one of the streets Inormally walkaround tolengthen the walk, so I'm coming up short and will ghave to dosoemthing to take up some slack. AK.
I could work on an outline. I started that "Goat Novel". It's goingto soem very different place. Different than drop City. Stream went andlived in caves in France. Ican't write about that because Iw asn'ttheere. Ihave towrite about theplacesandpeople Iknew and thethings I did, ebven ifte book isn'treally about me. Notmy storyper se, anyway.
I like the story starting as it does at Saint Lawrence University with a girl arriving wetbehind the ears andmeeting the goat clan. I hadtrouble with timeand trasitions as Ioften do. I tend to compact everything thattook months into a week, andthat's not good. So need a timelineand a way to figure out how to stick to it.
I likethe wayBoynoton (?) does it in DDrop City,hejust cuts awayto a scene without following up what
's happening, justat somecruical point when you're all excited. He doesn't explain everything. Then, reading along in thenextsection, you findout whathappened before and menawhile the new sectionworks slowly towward a climax and then cuts away just when you're all invovled. You start the next aprt wanting to knowwat happened. But you don't find out what happened right awa because the chapter has gone on to soemthing else maybe weeks later and by the time you dofind out, you'resucked in to thenextsection.
Ineedtolearn to dothat.
So, I HAD been thinking the goat novel would be it's own thing and then there's be a series of others,but it would be so much the better if the whole complex story couldbe told ina singlenovel. The rise and fall of hippiedomin oneperson'slife and howitaffectsand chages her, andher friends, how they doan don't survive (inreallife,soemdie!) There needs to be endurin characters as well as trasitory characters to make it worth reading and to the story.
I think it sould go fromstarting college full time at St lawrence through sropping out, NYC,hitchiking, SF, the fleas, the drugscene, the various communes and crash pads, and sex scenes,to Oakwood ave and thepeople shooting up (not her) and meth and so onglue etc, to starting part time,to being beat up and robbed etc, to startingschool again at ESF. 1964 to 1968, 5 years for the time-line. The whysand wherefors. I would like the scene starting at ESF to echothescene at SLU. With improtant difference, the older and wiser. Andsadder and disillusioned. There's the synopsis.
In the novel, the goat novel, the heroine has a name,but themanuacript is in Michigan,and Ican't remember. Iwant to call her alicia,ut I tinkthat's a different novel.
I was coming aroundtoward homeafter walking 33minutes,whichwas 12minutes short,so I took anotherloop and came back havingw alked 50 minutes--sweating,phew.
Hotnow,relatively, it's 78 inhere,except int hestudy which is hotter. But I'm alls weatified from walking. Iwhip offmy clothes andput mynightgown on thinking Imightwear thesame clothes tomorrow--it'salreadytimeto vistmy mother again,thetimeis just whipping by. Considering how little sleep I got, I am going relatively well.
Things arenot all hunky dorey though,my feet and ankles are quite swollen. This isthe first timein a while that's happened, and I'mblaming Doug's fishfry.
In the few emaining minutes before Italk to keith,I'dlike to download this file andpost it torawwords. Thenextract the synopsis for the goat novel and create timeline. Yeahright,andwhen Iamdonewith that, transfermore files to Hilda.
Before Iwentfor awalk Iwastrying todelete somefiles and theyare still notdeleted! :-(
--
I am certain of nothing but the Heart's affections and the truth of the Imagination- John Keats
Mary
No comments:
Post a Comment