MRI today

    Wednesday, October 4, 2006,
10:29 AM  Here I am at 4820 West Taft Road for my MRI, a rather upsetting experience for three reasons so far.  First, I got just a little lost getting here because I've only been here once before and I looked up the directions but I don't have a printer so I could print them out and I got worried I'd made a mistake (I had NOT) and turned around (twice).
    That was the first problem.  The second problem is that MRIs are NOT fun.  They are long, uncomfortable and terribly boring.  Also a bit painful because it bothers my fibro and you are not allowed to move at all.  So the pain keeps getting worse and worse.
    And then, it revs up my fear about my brain tumor.
    Plus I have a cold, my eyes hurt, and I feel exhausted.  I went to bed early and got up a little late (but I woke up at 4:30AM and could not go back to sleep.)
    Bleah.
    I had another scare.  Yesterday, my poops were nearly black and slightly greenish and strangely textured and I got nervous because I'd read that that could mean internal bleeding and any number of other bad things (cancer etc.)  I reviewed what I'd eaten and couldn't think of anything unusual.   I was imaging doctor appointments and radiation treatments and death. I was going to try to google it.  But this morning, I remembered I'd eaten some acai sorbet, which is really dark and could possibly have caused the problem.  So I'm going to wait a few days and see if things improve.
    I hate the fact that the spacebar on this computer doesn't work right.  I can't just write, I have to keep going back to fix it.
    I was going to bring Pam's new book with me to continue reading it.  But if course, as usual, I was running late, and ran out without it.
    I'm imagining pain in my belly and worrying again about the unusual poo.  But I have IBS (thought it hasn't been bad lately) and other issues that could be causing pain.
    I'm so tried and yuk.
    It was foggy this morning.  Still not burnt all the way off as I walked here.
    I just discovered I am wearing the shirt that caught on fire when I was doing Reiki at Janine's and part of it is burned away.  I never would have worn it had I realized.  I kept it to wear as PJs. But it made its way into my regular shirt drawer.  How embarrassing.
    DUH.
    I am considering going
    12:02  I'm done.  I am definitely sick.  Not horribly sick, but sick, with a cold or bad allergies.  I had forgotten about the dye injection, and it takes a while and "pinches".  I don't know why they call it a "pinch" when the stab or prick you.  So there was that and the pain in my sacroiliac that seemed to spread throughout my lower abdomen. Luckily, it wasn't quite as long as last time, though long enough.  This time, they knew where they were looking.
    And this time, I asked to see the picture.  The technician said he was very busy and working through lunch.  I told him that last time I was told the doctor would show me the picture.  But he didn't have the picture; he only had the report.  So he did show me, and it looked bigger than I expected, from what I was told last time.  I wonder if it has grown faster than expected. It is NOT tiny, as they had suggested last time.  Also, it's supposed to be in the lining of the brain, but it looks deeper than that to me.  Not real deep, but not right at the edge either. Scary.
    Another "minor" problem is that the air in the room where they did the MRI was very dry. I had trouble breathing.
    I'm so tired.  And "depressed."  Not sure depressed is quite the right word.  Low energy and dazed might be closer.  I don't know how I will accomplish what needs to be done when I feel so sick.
    I am going to Hamlin Marsh/Clay Central to walk because it is on the way.
    What I really wish I could do is just sleep for about 3 days, but of course, I probably couldn't sleep even if I tried.
    12:24 Hamlin Marsh, leaves raining down, flocks of bird, very fall-like.
    It takes 5 minutes to get out my gear and strap it on.  It's overcast, and wet, hope it does no train.  Smells like fall through the left nostril. Muddy
    12:31  I am at the marsh already. I didn't go to Clay Central; I went to the Old Wetzel Road entrance.  Brilliant fall color (but lousy lighting.)  The trails are so narrow you get wet walking through.
    I had to take my hair bands off my braids for the MRI and haven't had a chance to rebraid them, so they are looser than normal.
    I put on clean pants for the MRI but they are getting all wet and muddy.
    I took the same trail Sara and I took from the marsh pond along the marsh.  It doesn't seem at all like a trail until you reach the old decrepit boardwalk and just beyond that, it's mowed. Just when you think it's hopeless and you're soaked.
    Lots of froggies out.  I will clearly have to change my clothes when I get home.
    I need to snowseal my snow mocs (yes, I am wearing them, but only because the tevas smell bad).  Those Tevas are old and in bad shape and not very comfy and I only saved them for emergencies.  I really need a new pair of sandals (and new snow mocs--they are falling apart at the back.)
    12:54, 16:41 I reached the spot where Sara found the cardinal feathers on a mossy leaning willow.
    1:02 PM  I have walked half my designated walk time, but because I took a long roundabout way of getting here and intend to take a shorter way back, I have to walk a little farther than half time in order to get my full complement of time.  But that's hard to estimate.
    My eyes are feasting one brilliant scarlets, oranges, yellows, golds, all shiny with rain and a general autumnal look to the world, but though it seems really gorgeous in a subdued and melancholy way, it doesn't feel photogenic to me and I have not taken many pictures. 
    For one thing, it's dark. Very overcast.  Grey.  And wet.  For another, everything is chaotically tumbled together.  Not a good organized "chaos" like fractals, but a less appealing randomness.  Maybe with a panoramic, like Hal's, you could make something pretty.  But it just looks like a mess when I look through my lens.
    It's starting to rain.  I took a side trail to try to make up extra time and it was a marsh, wet to the top of my snow mocs.  Hamlin Marsh is wet. If I'm going to walk here, I need to be prepared for that.  Mentally, emotionally and physically.
    I think that side trail was probably a little longer than it should have been so I'll be "late" getting back to the car.
    Even the lawn is a marsh, literally, from all the rain. Ridiculous amounts of rain.
    I took a trail I was hoping would be a short cut but it ended up to be a long cut, circumnavigating another swamp.  I encountered a butterfly on a joe-pyeweed and tried to get it but failed.  It's raining harder.
    Hey, check it out.  Just when I thought my walk was over and I couldn't see anything else, I heard a noise in the woods and turned toward it.  I was in a sort of clearing, but ahead of me was dense brush and something was galloping toward me.  It sounded "big", but smaller and different than a deer.  And then it emerged, running straight toward me.  A red fox.  It came on, straight toward me, and then it seemed to see me. It about ten feet, it veered to my left, ran through the clearing, and disappeared into the woods on the other side with that same flick flickflickflick sound it had made approaching.  Dunno why it was running, but it sure was moving fast.  I saw nothing ahead of it or behind it.  I got a very good look at it.  Its red-orange body and black legs and feet slick with rain and slightly matted back.  Wow!  It happened so fast I just stared and didn't take a picture.  But I saw it.
    In Shamanism, it would be "a sign."  I would look up the various meanings for fox and meditate on what foxes mean to me. Foxes are smart, fast, and "sly."  (Tricky, like a coyote.)  They are solitary creatures except when breeding.  I've seen a number of them, and it always thrills me.  One came tome when I was meditating in the swamp at 3 R.  One at beaver lake, on the boardwalk. Several in the winter. One on a trail by a cornfield. I don't remember what I "discovered" when the last one showed up.  But I don't have time to meditate.  I need to go home, put on dry clothes, make lunch, get back to work sorting.
    The rain seems to have stopped, but the wind has come up and leaves are raining down from the trees.  It sounds like rain, but it isn't.
    Oh, here comes the rain again.
    I was going to stop on the way home at Pier One for a gift certificate for Annie Pennisi, but I am literally soaked and covered with mud, dripping and sloshing, so I'd better not drag my sloppy self into the store.  I smell bad, too.  I smell like a swamp.
    4:32 PM  I unpacked and sorted two boxes and packed labeled, taped and carried one largish box out to the garage.  I packed up a bag of stuff for Shari Carter from the IBM, which I paid over $2,6000 in June 1997 and sold in 2006 for $75 to Shari.  I started a load of laundry of my soaked and muddy clothes.  I am very tired and feel sick and wish I could just lie down.  But I'm going to have to break from packing to wash dishes because I've been working so hard on packing the past few days that I've done no cleaning or dishes.  I'm running out.